Sexy Diamonds

Bringing Sexy Back

2011-07-04T10:21:00.000-07:00

OK, so bailed on my blog for two months but I am back! I got way too emotional and deep with it and didn't really know where to go next so I just ignored it. Good game plan right? I don't have much else to say right now other than I am back!

2011-05-06T21:04:00.001-07:00

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Anyone reading this already knows that on December 30th, 2010 I gave birth to Lucy Louise Rollins. Our second daughter was 11 days late and I was scheduled to be induced at 7:45 Thursday morning. Instead I went into labour at about 2:00 am and she was born, less than 6 hours later, at 7:47 am. She weighed 9 lbs 5 oz and I am proud to say that I did it with no epidural, drugs, or gas. I felt like a rock star! What many people don't know is what happened after that...

I was getting settled in my room, nursing my baby and eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that Andrew had brought me. It was the most delicious thing on earth because I was starving and still feeling that post-birth high. I wanted to try getting up to use the washroom so I had nurses helping me since it was my first time moving around and I was sure that I had pulled a muscle. I got to a sitting position, tried to stand and felt like I was going to black out. They made me lay down again and started monitoring my blood pressure. It was low, then lower... It wasn't long before a Dr was telling me that I had probably ruptured my c-section scar (from Sadie's birth) and would probably be heading to surgery. I was heartbroken. I had worked so hard to have a beautiful, natural birth and all I wanted to do was hold my baby and bask in those first moments. I was sent for an MRI but before I could even get in my pressure dropped again. I could feel it happening, the nurse with me could see it happening (I was scary white by now) and I was rushed back to the labour and delivery ward. That's when things got scary. I had a room full of people trying to prep me for surgery, they brought Andrew from the nursery to see me and then I was being rushed off again. I have never been so afraid in my life. I had everything to lose and all I could do was pray. "Please let me get back to my girls, I have to get back to my girls" If I had died that would have been my last thought.

In surgery they found that my previous scar had not ruptured at all. I had a rare complication and was quickly bleeding into my abdomen. I had lost approximately two thirds of my total blood supply and if my amazing nurses and doctor hadn't acted quickly I never would have seen my girls again.

Sexy Diamond

2011-03-17T20:33:00.000-07:00

So I am slacking on this more than I would like to but it isn't because I am giving up and walking away from it. I have just been really busy. Which actually means I have not been making the time for it. I am really excited about a project that could potentially become a money making project and that has been taking up all of my extra energy. Life is good.

The Voice

2011-03-14T18:26:00.000-07:00

I cried tonight. Not an ugly cry, but still a cry. I feel as if I have been on a new journey lately. It's been way overdone but it all started with a near death experience. I'm laying on the operating table, everyone around me seems to be on red alert and I have an oxygen mask being held over my face, rather firmly. I feel as if my mind is racing but the only thought is "My Girls". I have to get back to my girls. I have to get back to my girls. I have to get back to my girls. It becomes my mantra as I am waiting for the anesthetic to kick in. I have to get back to my girls. And then I pray. My mantra turns into my prayer. "Hello God! I haven't forgotten you. I need you now. Please let me get back to my girls". He/She/It really knows how to get someone's attention. So I am here, I am with my girls and I am listening. I have never doubted that there is a God but I have always questioned our interpretations of It. I think I am done questioning for a while. I think believing is the important part, the rest is minor details. With my lifelong quest to define God set aside I feel as if I can start focusing on me for once. I can finally hear that little voice in my head that has been trying to guide me my whole life. Tonight that voice reminded me that while my mantra was about my daughters I was thinking of my husband too. I cried tonight because that voice was trying to show me how much he means to me. I cried because I feel guilty for needing to be shown. I cried because I am grateful to still have time to show him.

Failure

2011-03-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

OK So I failed yesterday. No post. I did try though. I logged in and had nothing to say. Yesterday wasn't my best day. Parts of it were good but I was grumpy. I don't have much time to post today but I made myself write something anyway. See I am trying to stick to it!

Meh

2011-03-11T17:14:00.000-08:00

Totally don't feel like blogging today. I phoned it in on everything today, why not this? All I can think about is eating a whole pan of chocolate brownies covered in ice cream. I don't have any brownies so I am going to give this unopened bag of Hershey's Chipits a run for its money instead. Wish me luck!

Success

2011-03-10T17:48:00.000-08:00

Ooooo, a second post! This is officially my most successful blog.

I am having one of those moments where I can't decide what I want to get out. I'd like to write about how my day went but without some background info my day won't make sense to anyone but me. So I want to write a background story but I'm not sure where to start with that. How much detail do I give? How far back do I go? You can see my dilemma. This is usually the point where I give up on my blog because it is too hard. At least I am here typing out this thought process right? Maybe by tomorrow I will know where I want to begin. Ahhh tomorrow, always helping me out of a jam!

Title

2011-03-09T11:50:00.000-08:00

So I've wanted to start a blog for as long as I've known what a blog was. I've even started a few and never posted in them or posted once and then never logged in again. I'd like to say that I have no idea why I have never followed through with it but that would be a lie and I am aiming for this to be a place of truth. The truth is I have lots reasons why I haven't done it. On their own they are each insignificant but when they come together they form a big lump of impossibility. Many of them are the same reasons why I haven't done a lot of things in my life. I am hoping to start here with my little blog about me and move on to all of the other things that I keep avoiding.

So... reasons why I can never commit to blogging

1: "What will people think?" Oh how that question has ruled my life. I have held back in so many ways because I don't want to be judged by the people around me. If I stay in line and avoid attention then I won't be noticed, I won't be part of their dinner-time conversation. What is the point of having a blog if no one reads it? What if someone does read it? What will they think?

2: I have too much to write. I have so much that I want to get out of me. My thoughts, my dreams, my plans. My mind is always so busy that I have a hard time making it slow down long enough to complete a thought. Even as I type I am writing my next entry in my head.

3: Time. I know that it is a lame, overused excuse but I really don't have the time. I have a million things on my to-do list at any moment and blogging has never made its way to the top. Blogging would fall under the category of "Things I do for me" and that part of the list doesn't start until number 999 998.

4: My Writing Skills. I love to write but I am far from an English major. I don't want to share what I write in case it isn't written well. I don't want someone reading it to be distracted by wrong spellings or poor use of comma's. See reason #1.

5: The Truth. The truth isn't always easy to take. If I am going to have a blog then I want it to be nothing but the truth. I want to be able to write about when a family member is pissing me off or when my marriage is weathering a storm without hurting someone's feelings. I don't want to write something and have it taken out of context. See reason #1

6: It might be good for me. I have a hard time doing what is best for me. I am going to start exercising, reading more, nurturing my relationships, organizing my life... blogging. I am going to start tomorrow. That always seems to be the best day to do things. The trouble is I never catch up with tomorrow. As soon as I get there it has skipped ahead to the next day so I still have to wait until tomorrow to do that thing I was going to do. It really is a vicious cycle.

I think that mostly sums up my reasons, if I think of more then I will add them. It also sums up my first blog on the first day of Lent. Can I make it all the way to Easter?